Hey, Ever Heard of "Sports?"
I'm into them now.
Last week, something insane and kind of upsetting happened to me: I watched basketball THREE DAYS IN A ROW.
As you may have heard, the Knicks were in the playoffs, which, yeah, we don’t need to rehash that. More importantly, the Liberty had their opening home game against Caitlin Clark and whatever-her-team-is-called at Barclays, and I attended with every hot lesbian I know. (I’m contractually obligated to hyperlink Jazmine every time I write the words “hot” + “lesbian.”)
It was so fun. Billie Jean King was there! So were Megan Rapinoe and Sue Bird. Of course, the Liberty mascot, Ellie the Elephant also did the absolute most with not one but two Telfar bags, both of which were carried by her boy toys when she wasn’t swinging them around herself.
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Never have I been more invested in so many sporting events and figures in such a short span of time, and the Olympics haven’t even happened yet!!! What gives? Is this the hell Taylor and Travis wrought? TikTok fed me so many “New Heights” podcast clips when they started dating that it drove me to delete the app. Make it illegal, please!
I can’t look away. No sooner had Taylor gotten with the Guy on the Chiefs than Bella Hadid emerged from her Lyme Disease Rumspringa with a sexy professional cowboy on her arm and an entirely new yeehaw aestethic. And THEN! To make matters worse, Challengers had the NERVE to force me to care about TENNIS!!!!!!!
Something’s in the air. Maybe it started when I watched the Beckham doc, which inspired me to buy a pair of Manchester United sweats in London. Maybe it’s my friends Sam and Naomi, who started a cool fashion/football company called Systemarosa, convincing me to not only buy a vintage soccer jersey but also watch Napoli versus Roma on a Sunday last month. Maybe it’s the guy I met at their event who I’m trying to impress...
Or maybe everything else in the world is so incredibly horrific right now that sports ACTUALLY SEEM APPEALING.
Whatever it is, I’m writing to inform you that I will be buying Liberty merch when they make something that isn’t fugly, wearing short short tennis shorts with high socks, and copying this Chloe Sevigny look henceforth.
Go team!