The Hostess With the Least-est

Amount of clothing.

Every year since high school, I’ve baked a red velvet cake and hosted a holiday party around it. Guests are encouraged to wear red velvet outfits, but as the hostess, it’s required that I adhere to the theme from head to toe.

Thankfully, I have plenty of time to prepare. In September, after seeing writer Nicolaia Rips wear a sexy red velvet Bode top in a story on SSENSE, I bought the last one on sale for 67 percent off.

Me and my red velvet spread this year.

It was still a lot for a top the size of a dish towel… But it aligned with a recent addendum to my sartorial tradition, which is that if you’re hosting a party at home, you should use it as an opportunity to wear as little clothing as possible. There is no other scenario I can imagine (other than maybe your wedding) in which you are in complete control of the climate from start to finish and allowed to be the center of attention. Indulge it! Be seasonally inappropriate! My apartment is tiny and always too hot, especially when 20-something people are crowded into it. So, last year, I wore cashmere Ferragamo underpants.

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This year, I went with a tiny top instead of a tiny bottom, and since it was a humid 50-something degrees outside, I was happy I did. Someone told me I looked like a “little present,” which made me realize that I probably could have fashioned a similar top out of ribbon for a fraction of the cost… But oh well. There’s always next year.

Below are the rest of my red velvet secrets, including the cake recipe I use, what I search on Etsy to find all my little spread doodads, and my new favorite party playlist.

The Tower of Babybel.

How to Host a Red Velvet Party