Are the Pope's Socks *Really* That Nice?
An investigation.
Last weekend, I saw Conclave, a new movie in theaters starring Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, and John Lithgow, who play petty cardinals stuck in the Vatican with the task of electing a new Pope. It’s got everything: shit-stirring Italians puffing vapes, secret sexual histories, Isabella Rossellini as a sly nun, and, of course, a lot of opulent Catholic outfits. (I swear to g*d, I also spotted Corbusier LC2 chairs. Are those actually in the Vatican?? Someone fact-check this.)
It was funny seeing the movie just a few weeks after visiting Rome myself. While I was there, I stopped by Gammarelli, the official tailor to the Pope since 17981. Whenever a real-life conclave happens, the store is slammed. In 2013, as soon as Pope Benedict XVI retired, Gammarelli tailors got to work, fashioning three sets of papal garments in sizes small, medium, and large in anticipation of whomever the cardinals chose to succeed him. “None of the likely current candidates, as it happens, is any heftier than that,” the Times reported. “Pope John XXIII, who died in 1963, was the last pontiff to wear an XL.”
Shoes are harder to predict, so red papal loafers of every size were prepared, just in case. Presumably, so was a range of Gammarelli socks, which anyone can walk in off the street and purchase if they’re not in the market for something explicitly religious. On the day I visited, I bought a pair of red ones, just like il papa. (Pope Francis is a flat-footed size 42, but he decided to forgo the tradition of wearing red loafers in a move of “radical humility,” surely sending his cobbler, Adriano Stefanelli, into a tizzy.)
I’d been curious about Gammarelli’s socks for years. In a 2018 article for the New Yorker, Lorenzo Gammarelli, a proprietor of the sixth-generation family business, says it wasn’t until about 20 years ago that the store’s socks, which are actually made by the French company Mes Chaussettes Rouge and licensed by Gammarelli, gained popularity beyond the church. Vogue editor Hamish Bowles is a fan. So is Edouard Balladur, the former Prime Minister of France. In Phantom Thread (2017), Reynolds Woodcock pulls out a pair in bishop’s magenta.
At just 13 Euros, they’re simply the perfect souvenir, and I figured if they’re good enough for the Pope, they’re good enough for me. When I walked into the store on a Monday afternoon, it was empty, and clerks were busy taking measurements and wrapping up packages in brown paper. I asked one of them if they had any calzini, and he directed me to a display in the front: red, purple, and white for the pious, plus other colors like green, yellow, brown, blue, and black for the rest of us, i.e., tourists.
Because only men can become, well, clergymen, they only make socks for uomini, so I had to translate my size from Italian to English to women’s, which took me a second. Ultimately, I went with a size 7 and got two pairs: one in red and one in green. As they wrapped them up in a beautiful branded paper, I poked around the store, which is somehow, only slightly creepy.
This week, I finally took my socks for a spin. First of all, the colors are incredible—super vibrant—and the fabric is luxuriously soft and lightweight. But I’m wearing them right now as I type this, and, unfortunately, can feel them slowly slipping down my ankles… There’s only an elastic at the top, and there’s also a bulge of excess fabric at the tips of my toes. Do men have monster claws or something?? Non bene.
In short, they’re nice, and I’m glad I got them as a souvenir. They make me feel one step closer to my Catholic roots. Literally. But am I going to wear them all the time? Probably not. I fear they might… be… a little flaccid!!!!!!!! Forgive me, father, but there is nothing I hate more in the accessories department.
It’s possible I got the wrong size. Do I order a pair for women directly from Mes Chaussettes Rouge, instead? Maybe. Jess recently bought me a pair of red socks from Le Bon Shoppe, and I like how tight they are. Not flaccid at all. But unfortunately, since they’re one size fits all, I think they might be a little too tight.
Until I find the right upgrade, I’ll keep wearing my favorite Uniqlo socks, which haven’t let me down in years. If you have any suggestions, please leave them in the comments below. Bless! 🙏
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There was one Pope who didn’t visit Gammarelli: Pius XII, who reigned from 1939 to 1958, preferred to use a private tailor. (He came from an aristocratic family that had its own.)
True public service journalism, I had these in my mental cart and you saved me a disappointing DHL dispatch from Italy!!! I will stick with Le Bon Shoppe. Thank you!
"Forgive me, father, but there is nothing I hate more in the accessories department."